• 
  Robbie Coltrane

  Max
• 
  Kevin Allen

  Frenchman
• 
  Ronald Allen

  Captain Phillips
• 
  Jeff Beck

  Himself
• 
  Kathy Burke

  Mary
• 
  Adrian Edmondson

  Billy
• 
  Jimmy Fagg

  Soldier
• 
  Dawn French

  Frances

• 
  Llew Gardner

  Commentator
• 
  Lemmy

  Rico
• 
  Derren Nesbitt

  General Galtieri
• 
  Nigel Planer

  Stan
• 
  Peter Richardson

  Rollo
• 
  Pete Richens

  Soldier
• 
  Jennifer Saunders

  Cathy